I roamed around my room bustling through each area preparing to go to bed. All of a sudden, there was a knock on my door and it stirred up so much confusion. What could my parents possibly want or need at this time of the day? I thought it must be something serious. As I apprehensively reached for the door, I saw both my parents stand there still, with worry in their eyes. Naturally, I invited them in and you if you saw my face, you could see I expected the worst. My parents definitely had something they needed to admit. The three of us sat, all face to face, and my parents took no shortcut to say that we were moving. Most importantly, in three days. I fell down to my feet and became one with the ground. My mind fluctuated with anxiousness, denial, fury. My heart pounced at a rate that shouldn’t be healthy, I was simply in disbelief. My parents saw this all go down and doing what parents should do, they consoled me. Although I was reluctant to give in to their warm, open arms, I knew the move was probably inevitable. As time passed, my apprehension dissolved along with it. I was assured that the family was having financial difficulties and the understanding girl that I am let go. I went to bed and had great difficulty falling asleep.
It seems that with bad there always comes the good. I had a beautiful dream where I was shown living an even happier life after the move. With this in mind, I woke up early the next morning and packed all my belongings up. I was hopeful and thought, “Is this a sign?” Before I knew it, it was the big day and my family was about to give our keys of eleven years to another owner. And so we did. Not shortly after, the moving truck arrived and we loaded up all of our belongings. We were driving through our soon-to-be-ex-city and every glance enabled a reflection of my childhood. I remembered going to the bagel shop every afternoon at 5 Points Plaza and driving past the beach every morning. We crossed the street and we were now in our new reality. I was bittersweet but had high hopes for what was yet to come. My dream must have meant something! After all, only time would tell, and I took my first step into a fresh start at the campus of Fountain Valley High School.
Within my neighborhood, anyone can obtain a sense of peculiar aspects within initial view. Everything has its own individualities and you would never see two of the same thing anywhere. The houses were as colorful as the skies after a rainy day in Florida. Everything was simply original, sometimes causing questionable remarks as a stranger drove along the rocky road. What exactly was this neighborhood? A symbol of the future, an eccentric lifestyle, or an idea of how we, as human beings, were created to be: unique. The reality is that it is all up to interpretation, but for those inhabiting this neighborhood, nothing was out of the ordinary. In distinction to the societal norms, this neighborhood accepted their differences and if anything, promoted them. Those outside of this realm judged its presence with much remark. Nonetheless, my neighborhood would continue to embrace its ways, but with even greater pride than before. Maybe this is something we could all learn from. We try so hard to fit the standards and to do what others think is right. But all for what? We’ve been taught day-to-day to be yourself and be righteous, moral people. There is no room for negativity, for discrimination, or for resentment. We live in a society.
The power of a dream can never be underrated nor what it can generate. I have encountered a superior example of this through my very on mother and father. During my younger years of life, I had the fortunate luck of being educated about what they had to go through. Initially, what I never comprehended was that my parents viewed the word “dream” as “America.” Their one life, goal, and desire was to reach there. But what I could understand was why this dream was so grand to them; the rage of their circumstance was so passionate. My parents were born and raised in Vietnam during the late 1900s. From their accounts, I could envision that it wasn’t so pleasant at the time. The poverty and deprivation that they experienced for nearly a third of their lives filled me with sorrow. I have succeeded by blood, sweat, and tears, but in my parents I viewed something beyond; it was an intensity that consumed their souls. Freedom was so obtainable yet so unachievable. For them, the focus of living was a land that I currently live in with seemingly not enough appreciation for. Overall, this one instance does great justice to how desperately we desire so that we can ultimately succeed. It also comes to exemplify that being a little irate and compulsive in pursuit of a dream may be a vital key to achievement.
When I lived in my old neighborhood, I didn’t have just one family or one house. I could proudly say that I belonged to the whole neighborhood, to say the least. In this realm, selfishness and animosity were two unfamiliar words that seemed completely alien to all of us. Selflessness and compassionate love was all we merely knew. I could walk down the sidewalk to fetch my mail and get greeted by anyone I locked eyes with. I’d go on a run and be shouted at by Mrs. Ly, the lady who lived down the block, to come eat dinner with her family when I finished. Her two kids loved me just as I did, and I would babysit them everyday after I finished homework. After these occurrences, I would get a tingly sensation of bubbles within my blood. No matter how I felt from a long day’s worth of school or whatever I was up to, I knew that when I drove through the gates of Bel Air, I would be content. Any person of type, race, size, or gender was welcome with open arms by this neighborhood. This was something truly remarkable, not seen before. When explaining the environment of this neighborhood, it’s so easy to say that it was full of loving inhabitants. However, there was something much more, something that could only be seen by one who lived here. I can’t name any other period of time in my life where I felt so special, so noticed, and so appreciated by people who started off as complete strangers to me. I guess this is what a little bit of time and love has to offer.
My cousin passed away when I was 12 years old. She lived just across the street from me. It wasn’t sudden news. It was slow and painful as I watched helplessly on the side of the bravest person in my life melt away. She kept my well-being together and taught me to be independent, fierce, and strong-minded. After her passing, I was a rabbit in life’s headlights but then I made a choice: instead of getting lost, I would get found. However, I am still learning to live my life without her. I always wonder what she would think of me today. First off, I grew a bit too attached to my cousin, even to the point of wondering and questioning what I would do without her. And before I know it, she is stolen from my life in the blink of an eye. Losing her tore my heart apart, but here I am. There’s nothing left for me to be afraid of anymore. I clench my teeth and I stride forward. Most importantly, from this period of complete depression, I learned to accept death and I’ve become completely comfortable with the thought of it happening to me. Death is imminent and what purpose does it serve me to fear something I am not in control over? If anything, what I really took to my advantage was appreciating every second that life has to offer, as cliché as that might sound. And lost but not least, I learnt how to walk the thin line between holding on and letting go. Letting go of people who are toxic, relationships that bring me down, things I don’t need, useless clothes, lies, all that pointlessness we surround ourselves with but don’t actually need. Holding on though? Yes. But only to what really matters, to what makes me happy.
I remember everyday of my what my childhood and younger self looked like. I could actually write about my past on any given day. The fact of the matter is, when I was a child, I was exposed to a vast expanse of experiences. They’ve all molded the person I am today, writing this very excerpt. As infants, we are born innocent and oblivious to what the world surrounding us really is. In my case, I was fortunately placed into an environment full of positivity, support, and constant knowledge. I’m proud to say that my family is the next best thing I can confide in, besides myself. Then there’s my community that has served as the backbone of my core values in life. They’ve really guided me through the significant ins and outs of reality. Although one’s surroundings determine their ultimate personas, you also have a vital role in the sense that you can choose how you want to be with your given circumstances. In my elementary school, as with any, there was a popular group and the quirky group. I remember where I stood all to well. Growing up, my parents nurtured me with the mindset that I should always stick with quality over quantity. With school, this concept seemed to tie in like a puzzle I was apart of the “lower” social structure and couldn’t differentiate between what was “cool” or “lame”. Either way, I found a really amazing group of friends from being there. Today, I still have close and thriving relationships with these people while the “popular” kids are now all separate butterflies. From this very example, I can’t even begin to express how crucial it is to associate with the best group of people for us. It might take months, or even years to do so, but you’ll most definitely know when you have.
My parents have always taught me to have fun and to always live like each day is my last. Little would you know that they’ve functioned through this lifestyle their whole lives and still continue to do so. On a given day, you could see my parents throwing flour at each other’s faces in the kitchen, having a movie night along with a large tub of popcorn, and of course, extra butter, and the overall thrill they constantly have in their faces as do children. My parents possess an exemplary image of how I want to be and how I am currently trying to be. With them, there are no limits when it comes to maturity or goofing around; they are not even a hybrid of both, they’re just a pair of humorous toddlers. Along with these extravagant personas, they’ve taught me many different values that have constructed the person I am today. From being around them every single day and gradually adapting their ways of living, I have become much more lenient, easygoing, and positive. I’ve noticed the superior advantage of being more happy-go-lucky than solemn. In addition, I’ve seen the ultimate success in not only their physical and internal emotions, but also their relationship as a whole. With them, it’s like they fall in love over and over again, all because they retain a carefree and unconcerned charisma. In this way, my parents have instilled something into me that I never was. It has aided me in multitudes of different aspects and ways and if you are around me, you can observe so for yourself. My perspective on life is sculpted into something greater than each preceding day, and I owe all thanks to my wonderful parents who teach me that there is no such thing as ever having to grow up.
When I was young, I used to be embarrassed by my mom. I didn’t want her to speak her broken English in public. I didn’t want her to call me every thirty minutes to remind me to go home. I didn’t even like being seen with her because I thought she was different from other moms. But now I know, it is I who should be embarrassed for feeling that way because she is genuinely everything I aspire to be. A person who is well-loved by everyone around her, a person who willingly sacrifices so that others can have the better, my mom can and does it all. Day by day, she continues to not only physically carry the weight of others on her shoulders as a part-time nurse, but also their burdens in her heart. This is what I see now, and this is what I should have admired from the start. The feelings I had as a child hit so close to home due to the fact that my mom was a walking form of our cultural values. Being born in Vietnam, America was like an alien world to her and she didn’t know right from wrong. What she thought was normal back home seemed peculiar in this new country. And in this way, she presented an eccentric persona around me and my environment, nurturing a flame of fiery humiliation within me. As I got older, I’ve come to realize that it was so pathetic to feel the slightest bit agitated with my mom and her doings. My mom is a prime example of what it’s like to come from complete hopelessness to ultimate success, and I couldn’t be any more blessed to have her as a leading figure in my life.
People. Society. Humanity. What is the common correlation between the three you may ask? Our overbearing nature of dissatisfaction, and not accepting the hard, cold reality. In an ideal utopia, people face predicaments and obstacles but gallantly soar over them; pushing aside the setbacks to rise to the eventual greatness. In a world I call planet earth, people seem like aliens to this matter. We override the significance of life: to face dilemmas and to not be afraid of emotional or physical defeat. We yearn merely for ultimate success and maybe this is just how the nature of human beings were nurtured to be. We live our lives, set our goals, and do everything to our highest extent to fulfill them; and when we fail to, all hail breaks loose. While some religions abstain from certain foods as apart of their traditions, we are fasting from the trait of acceptance.
In Herman Hesse’s beautiful novel, Siddhartha, a considerably thought-provoking notion is expressed: “When someone seeks … he is able to find nothing, to take in nothing, because he always thinks only about the thing he is seeking, because he has one goal, because he is obsessed with his goal. Seeking means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal.” In other words, when you possess such passion towards something, you don’t gain anything beneficial from doing so. You lose the sole purpose of your goal in the first place because you let it occupy and overpower your mind and self. In this way, the quote emphasizes how one should allow themselves to naturally obtain success in life. You shouldn’t feel obliged to perfection and let your dissatisfaction of being unsuccessful get the best of you. After all, YOU are the key to reaching the stars.
From a personal and universal stance, I truly can’t stress the validity of this perspective. I tend to excessively crave certain desires and would do anything to reach them. In an effectual manner, when I don’t achieve this, I feel helpless, depressed .. at rock bottom. Although this might sound rather extreme, it is the reality of my life, as a fifteen-year old girl named Jenny Nguyen. The world doesn’t know about this side of her and maybe that’s just because it wouldn’t make a difference if it did. Simply put, we’re all like this, it’s just a minuscule fraction of the societal norms today. When I really want something, I urge anything and everything just to get there. I’d like to say that I connect to Siddhartha on a pretty close level in the sense that he yearned for spiritual growth. He dedicated so many aspects just to do so and at the same time, he lost himself in it. Throughout the novel, we see Siddhartha’s continuous dissatisfaction with his lifestyle, but when he simply lets loose, he becomes settled as an enlightened ferryman. Within my life, I face similar encounters, but when I move past them, I’m also tranquil, happier, more successful, on top of the world!
Siddhartha makes acceptance of failure look so dang easy, but in such a defeated state, how can we possibly bounce back? It is important to note that, it all starts with you. That’s right. No one has control over your potential, ability, intentions, and most importantly, you. Siddhartha faced a long, strenuous journey to hurdle over his spiritual obstacles, but during it, he learned a little something along each step. So can you! Don’t let a small altercation destroy your whole world, because in reality, you only have one life and there is so much more to live for. Personally, I’ve learned to let the little things slide, always try to work harder, and realize that everything happens for a reason. As cliché as this might sound (I’m literally cringing at myself too, don’t worry), it’s the root of every occurrence in your world. Life is essentially predetermined for you, so you don’t need to force yourself to do anything or be a certain way. Don’t allow yourself to feel at an all time low over something you’ll laugh about the next day. Life is a journey, a roller coaster, a stepping stone to ultimate greatness. You’ve only been gifted with one to maximize to its fullest potential. Are you going to fight or flight?
Jen Z Dilemmas 